The holidays are meant to be a time of joy, laughter, and family togetherness. However, they can also bring to light underlying family issues that need to be addressed, such as aging and the care of elderly parents. Even in well-adjusted families, navigating these conversations can be challenging due to a variety of factors, including emotional baggage, power struggles and the fear of conflict.

Add to the mix children from multiple marriages, family members who have mental health/substance abuse issues or special needs and these dynamics become even more complicated. The hype of the holidays can serve to heighten an already complex dynamic.

The Holiday Dilemma

So, how do you take advantage of a unique opportunity when family members are together without dampening the holiday spirit? The holiday meal is not the best time to begin a difficult conversation.   Rather, it is better to find a time apart from the festivities when the family can have discussions face-to-face with the goal of coming to an agreement regarding your parents’ care and needs.

Common concerns include where your parents will live; how they will manage finances and personal affairs; should they continue to drive; and who will care for them.

The key to a productive discussion is to plan and identify the most important topics impacting your family. Here are some tips to approach these conversations constructively:

  1. Choose the Right Time: As we mentioned above, avoid bringing up sensitive topics during holiday meals or celebrations. Instead, find a quieter moment when everyone is relaxed, there is no alcohol involved, and the situation lends itself to an open discussion.
  2. Set Ground Rules: Establish a respectful environment by setting ground rules for conversation. Encourage everyone to listen actively and refrain from interrupting. Allow everyone to have their say.
  3. Focus on Solutions: Shift the focus from problems to solutions. Encourage family members to voice their concerns and collaboratively find ways to address them.
  4. Acknowledge Emotions: Recognize that these discussions can be emotionally charged. Allow space for emotions to be expressed and validate each person’s feelings.
  5. Seek Professional Help: If conversations become too heated or difficult to manage, consider seeking guidance from an outside source. Life Managers & Associates has valuable resources on our website that provide tips and tools for how to tackle these tough discussions.

By approaching sensitive conversations  with care and compassion, families can work towards solutions. You may find that addressing these issues will ultimately strengthen family bonds while ensuring that the right decisions are made for your aging parents and the whole family.

If you need to have a difficult conversation with your family about aging this holiday season, we would be happy to talk with you about how to make the discussion respectful and productive.